You can’t polish a turd…

You really can’t, you can roll it in glitter, stick stars on it, but no matter how you dress it up it’s still a piece of shit.

The opening line is my favourite saying and it can be applied to so many things, objects, places and my favourite, people.

Everyone has come across places where money has been invested, but for some reason it still looks like crap. An example of this is the People’s Republic of Reading. You go into the town centre there is a god awful street which has all the chav/ yobbo bars down (Friar Street), all changing names as regular as changing your underwear. From there you go head towards Broad Street after passing several skanks on a 50m walk. One end of Broad Street is ok, there is a massive shopping centre which is relatively new with restaurants and bars opening on the riverside. Sounds lovely, but there is no culture and it’s all very generic, you could be in any shopping centre within the UK.

Back on Broad Street, take a walk past John Lewis and the shops change to those cheap ones that appear selling Xmas wrap and facilities to unlock mobile phones, this is the poor end of town (underhand segregation, keep the classes apart!). While one side is given a facelift the other is left in disrepair like a failed 70’s high street. It’s not just this bleakness that I dislike about Reading, but it’s the lack of culture, historical architecture, uniqueness. It’s got to be one of the most uninspiring towns you could possibly visit in the UK. Even the theatre The Hexagon is in an awful building located just off the fly over, not pleasant.

There is nothing unique or classy about Reading, you arrive and it sucks the life out of you, no massive green areas or parks in the town centre (Forbury gardens doesn’t count-too small), just a town that looks like it saw its best days 200 years ago before they tore down anything good.

Reading, you can’t polish a turd.


The saying can be applied to people too. Manners, respect for self and others cost nothing, it’s a mindset and part of your personality. Too many people are wrapped up in their own egos that they fail to see what is going on in the world around them and the impact of their behaviour. We’ve all come across someone who is so rude and self absorbed, believing that because they earn a certain amount of money or they own status symbols or they believe the world owes them, that they have a right to be a shit to others? Well they don’t. You can’t polish a turd. Say that to the next person that you hear being rude or underhanded, it will take them a while to figure out what you mean.   

Day 14 28DW- Car Number Plates

This piece is inspired by a twitter account called @ShitNumberPlate that I began following yesterday.

I have never understood why people have personalised car number plates; I mean your car comes with its own unique set of number plates so why pay through the nose for another set? Just seems like a waste of money, more money than sense. Or is it another way that someone can say ‘Look I’m Twat. I have a flash car with a personalised number plate that demonstrates bad use of the English language.’

These offensive number plates are often found on the back of cunt cars such as Audi’s, BMW’s and Chelsea tractors. The new rich? Possibly… Or a flash estate agent who is to into their own self image- you decide!

By Matthias93 (Own work) [GFDL ( or CC-BY-SA-3.0-2.5-2.0-1.0 (], via Wikimedia Commons

The reason why these number plates appear on cunt cars? Because the cunt cars also demonstrate a level of wealth and with that level of wealth an inability to indicate. Somehow, on paying through the nose for all of this, they were mis-sold their cunt car as it appears to have no indicators! If I was them, I would be taking the car and offending number plates back to the shop and demanding a refund.

I hate those drivers, they’ve given me road rage through writing!

Please check out the work of my fellow 28DW bloggers at The Resident Weeble and Sudo One

Day 6 of 28DW Childish Moments

Good day readers and fellow bloggers, what have I got for you today? Childish humour!

I am what can only be described as big kid, this also goes for my sense of humour, I can be sniggering and double up crying with laughter at the most childish things and yet other items of humour go right over my head, mainly sarcasm and any one liners. By the time the person has had to explain this to me the joke, it is destroyed and I’ve come up with a list of reasons as to why that isn’t funny or accurate.

Around a year ago The Resident Weebler and SudoOne were playing a game; I asked if I could join in and I was allowed. The game itself is naming your poo after a film title; I was in my element and doubled up laughing.
Tropic Thunder
The Rocky horror show

You can see where this is going…

I then went to lunch the following day with 2 female friends and explained the game to them, both were doubled up laughing and we continued this game over group text well into the next day.

Mrs Brown
Curse of the Black Pearl

Now some of you might be reading this thinking ‘that’s appalling and disgusting why would want to play such a stupid game?’ I tell you why because it’s fun!

Laughter is a good medicine, everyone should be encouraged to laugh each day and even better if you’re in a group all sharing the same giggle, it is infectious, reduces stress and releases endorphins.

My challenge for you today is to play the Poo game, have a good snigger and see how much more uplifted you feel. I’ve started you off with a few film titles, go forth spread your wings and laugh like a fool. I want to hear about the film titles you and your friends come up with.

By Ton Zijlstra [CC-BY-SA-2.0 (, via Wikimedia Commons

Please check out the work of my fellow 28DW bloggers at The Resident Weeble and Sudo One