Day 12 Clean and Tidy

A few weeks ago I thought I was going mad, until a discussion with a couple of female friends over dinner one night informed me that no, I was in fact quite normal they too had experienced manic and stress over a disorganised home.

Let me set the scene for you:

  • One bedroom flat
  • It had been snowing
  • ‘The Boy’ was visiting
  • We had come back from sledging
  • We were cooking Indian food from scratch

There had been washing hanging up from the previous night drying- 2 airers worth which was taking up half the lounge. The boy had brought his overnight bag with him which was on the floor of the bedroom. We had wet clothes and waterproofs hanging up on doors and over the back of chairs trying to dry them out. The Boy isn’t the tidiest of people when he cooks; we were both working on the different dishes we were going to be eating in my kitchen (it’s a small gallery one) and he was getting flour all over the sides and on the floor. There wasn’t enough room to put everything, the window sill was also being used and the sink piled high with dirty pots and pans.

By this point when I took in the full scale of this chaos I flipped. Now reading this you may be thinking I started shouting and getting red with rage. Nope, I became silent and was now brewing like a cup of tea. The boy noticed that I had gone silent- it’s a warning sign that I’ve lost the plot slightly. He innocently asks me if I’m ok, to which I reply in the most female way possible ‘I’m fine,’ he knows I’m lying. He’s watching me closely now wondering what my next step of action is going to be. I quietly mutter, ‘this place is a mess,’ the panic in his eyes as he realises that I’m now looking at the flour that is on the floor where he’s standing. He is fully aware of what’s coming, I’m going to clean and sort the flat before actually sitting down to eat.

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Arghhhhh. (not my house)

From my point of view, I was full on having a panic attack about the mess and state of the flat. My heart was racing fast, was shaking and I felt completely out of control. I couldn’t sit down and eat until order had been restored and my panic had subsided. Where did I start? With the washing, I took down the airers, folded up all the washing and put away, put anything I could away! Then came sorting the kitchen, the boy was already onto this and had cleared up the flour that he had knocked everywhere. I started washing up, he kept telling me to sit down and eat. He was right.

I hate being disorganised and chaotic, I feel out of control and that I don’t have a grip on the situation. My life has been invaded! This is made worse because it’s been 8 hours since I’ve eaten, I’m a moody person due to low sugar, ratty like a child that needs to sleep and my sense of logic is lost. Had I already eaten, yes the chaos would have got to me, but I would have dealt with it in a more calming way and not gone into a full scale panic.

What did I learn from this venture?

  • Always eat little and often
  • Never try cooking 5 different dishes in a small kitchen
  • Always have washing away before boy comes round
  • Make sure boy has a compartment in wardrobe where his stuff can be hidden away.

Please check out the work of my fellow 28DW bloggers at The Resident Weeble and Sudo One

Day 2 of 28DW and today’s topic is Hormones…

I’m not going to bore you like a school science lesson. Men you will find this useful if you have any women in your lives (partner, daughter, mother, friend, sister), fellow sisters I hope you find this amusing.

I’m a person who is very sensitive to their hormonal cycle and out of 28 days spend only 14 of these feeling fairly normal. That’s right people the other 14 I am a walking time bomb- unpredictable and just plain weird!

It starts at around day 14 where depending on which ovaries turn it is for that month a side of my face, normally around my mouth/ chin will explode in a cluster of spots, to which the other half always asks ‘Why have you got spots, you’re not a teenager?’ (Each month we have the same conversation)- ‘I’m about to ovulate dear’, ‘Oh’. End of conversation.

Now at around this time I find myself feeling extremely struck by the other half’s awesome good-lookingness, so much so that we were in a queue for coffee last month and all I could think was ‘Wow your fit and I want you now’. I find him attractive all the time but at this particular point I want to scream ‘Take me now’. Once more this is my hormones talking I’m fertile and want to be impregnated- the reality is I don’t at this point in my life but you can’t escape nature. Think of it as a dog on heat- I’m not saying I look like a bitch- (maybe I do), but when a female dog is in season they put their arse in the face of a male dog they want, give off that scent to drive the male wild and then the male jumps on and ‘bow chicky wow wow.’ The thing with dogs is they don’t have to contain themselves, they also don’t give a shit about anyone else around them and can do it in public without being arrested.

We now move on several days where I morph into ‘I have an opinion, it’s right and you’ll do everything my way or else!’ Once more family and him get the brunt of this more. I know I’ve morphed into Miss Fire Blaster, but cannot contain it. This is so regular that he now makes a joke of it, ‘Whoa you due on in a weeks time? God your spiky,’ My response is ‘Maybe I am but that’s not the point!’
Now were into the last 7 days and this is now the feeling of I feel like shit, life’s awful, I am unwanted like a stray cat, nobody loves me. This is very bad for 2 days and it then goes. I know this is due to a drop in a certain hormone but it still doesn’t make dealing with the depressing emotion any easier. In this time I feel like I want to shut myself away and mope in my own self pity and sing ‘All by myself’ just like Rene Zellweger did in Bridget Jones.

5 days before and the food cravings start, this can go on for 2-3 days. At this point, men if your still reading this will be thinking she’s going to say chocolate, well I’m not! I have various odd cravings at this particular point and am sure my body needs more of certain minerals and vitamins:

  • Oily fish (I eat this twice a week normally)- I can know eat a whole pack of mackerel in one go.
  • Lemons- can’t get enough of the sharp taste
  • Popperdoms- can’t explain this one, but I munch through them like I’ve never seen food
  • Humus- known to dip popperdoms in it, clearly a vitamin/ mineral that I need from chick peas.
  • Steak- must eat meat and now!
  • Chips with salt and vinegar on- assuming this is the carb craving kicking in.

Anyone of you who is still reading this and is thinking ah she must not eat properly or do enough exercise, I can tell you that I eat a very good diet and do plenty of exercise.
In the 5 day run up I also cannot sleep well and will stop drinking my 1 cup of tea a day in order to try and help with the sleep, but alas nothing works.

We’re now 2 days before and the good old IBS seemingly kicks in, nothing now stays in and exits stage left. The day when I am now ‘out of service’ bowl movement goes back the other way and the pain is now unbearable and I want to sleep for England.

All I can say to you is my body is extremely sensitive to my hormone change. Ladies who are reading this, I hope you can empathise with parts if not all of this and have had a good laugh in the process. Men, please be if you weren’t already, I hope you are now aware of why any females around you might be behaving slightly odd, just be careful the next time your queuing with your lady and she has that possessed look on her face, you might want to take that somewhere more private…